Maintaining Sexual Self-Control


“I’m in love with a man who still lives with his parents. We are in school and cannot be married yet. We see each other at my apartment (I live alone) due to our lack of money. We have great chemistry and I know my feelings are normal. But, I don’t want to have sex until I am married and he feels the same. We want to do what’s right. What should we do?”


The apostle Paul’s advice to the Corinthians is where I would start…

“But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband…But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” I Corinthians 7:2, 3, 9 (New International Version)

God understands sexual feelings. After all, He came up with them, and with sexuality itself. Your feelings are normal, but God expects you to use self-control. If you cannot control your sexual feelings, you have two choices. The first is to get married, but you say circumstances will not allow that now.

The second choice is to agree with your boyfriend on some guidelines on where and under that conditions you will get together. I suggest you agree not to be alone in any situation where your sexual feelings can get out of control. Double date with other couples. Go to group activities through your church or school. Meet a public places where you can talk privately but cannot become sexually involved, places like restaurants, malls or parks.

But, if you make these rules for your relationship, and realize you can’t keep the guidelines, you are left with three choices. First, you might sin and disappoint yourself and God. Second, you can break up with your boyfriend. Or third, you can marry.



2 comments on “Maintaining Sexual Self-Control

  1. Pingback: What Is Fornication? | Refresh My Heart In Christ

  2. Pingback: Espoused, Engaged or Married? | Refresh My Heart In Christ

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