Sex Without Getting Married?


“Is it wrong for a man and a woman (who are not married) to have sex if they have no other partner and no one is getting hurt? Where does marriage come in?”


God “created man” (Genesis 1:27, New American Standard Bible), and He created him a sexual being. There is nothing wrong with sex, as long as it is within the purposes for which God designed it. But outside His purposes, it is sin. “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4). From the beginning, God has planned that sex is to be limited to marriage partners. Read again this verse: “fornicators and adulterers” will be judged by God. That includes both those who engaged in sex without marriage (fornicators) and those who betray their marriage vows (adulterers).

The idea that “no one is getting hurt” ignores the plain teaching of the Bible. Even if no one on earth is getting hurt (which is nearly impossible), there still is One that will always be hurt. God is hurt! When Potiphar’s wife propositioned Joseph, he said, “How then could I do this great evil and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9). Even if it were possible that fornication did not hurt anyone on earth, God is still hurt. If you want to know how much sin (any sin) hurts God, just look at the cross. Because of His hate for sin, God sent His Son to die on the cross to deliver us from sin.

Sex (according to God’s design and purpose) is not dirty, vulgar or unholy. It is the destructive and demonic influence of Satan and sin that has corrupted sex into nothing more than a quick and cheap release. Sin’s deceitful and tempting version of sex is harmless and healthy fun. According to the “tolerant and non-judgmental” values of our society, there are few (if any) negative physical, psychological, emotional or spiritual consequences of violating God’s intent and purpose regarding sexuality. . . “Do whatever feels right to you because there are no absolute standards of right and wrong”. There is nothing wrong with sharing a home and a bed with a boyfriend or girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with having children outside of marriage. There is nothing wrong with “hooking up” with someone you’ve “known” for a few hours or having a “friend with benefits.”

Where does marriage come in? Read carefully Genesis 2:24, I Corinthians 7:1 – 5 and Ephesians 5:21 – 33. God has decreed marriage for life. Without that kind of commitment, the giving of oneself to another perverts God’s purposes for sex. That is where marriage comes in. It is God’s plan that a man and a woman commit themselves to each other for life (in marriage) and then give themselves physically to each other.

Through examples, antidotes, symbolism and commandments, He gives us the regulations of how and where to express our sexuality: in the heterosexual marriage covenant. Sexual purity and abstinence is for everyone else. And the wait is worth it! Casual sex with multiple partners can ruin one’s opportunity to enjoy a fulfilling and fantastic sex life in marriage. Remember – God ordained and blessed sex before sin entered into the picture.



5 comments on “Sex Without Getting Married?

    • Thanks for the feedback and link back. Even though you and your husband are “young in the faith”, “unwise” and “inexperienced”, I appreciate your willingness as a family to being an encouragement to myself and others with your example, writings and perspective. May God’s blessings be with your family!

  1. Pingback: What Is Fornication? | Refresh My Heart In Christ

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